Now that I'm done working 60+ hours a week at three jobs I can actually think again! And I've been thinking about what I should write about next. Various things have crossed my mind, like how I despise any term that starts with 'post-'. This I ran across in a graffiti book I own yesterday; the term was 'post-graffiti'. It made me cringe. I will save this topic for another time. Other things like more anecdotes from kindergarten, my hatred for cubicles and other such office related anger were other popular topics in my mind. But really right now, at this very moment, its a time to make it personal. Writing is a form of therapy yes (?) and this is, I would argue, why most writers write to begin with. They do it for themselves, and if it can enlighten or interest someone else than all the better.
I'm entering transition time again, every year for the past 4 years I have lived in a different city, with a different group of friends and each time I've either started new or re-newed old acquaintances. I never meant it to be this way, so far its just turned out so. I told myself when I moved back to Canada from France that I would stay somewhere for at least 2 years - I would settle myself, I would try to be grounded. I've failed. The minute I step onto new or old soil this ridiculous part of me wants to move on again, I have a constant urge to keep on going. I exhaust myself. When I'm somewhere new I can't stop talking about going somewhere newer, when I'm somewhere old I can't stop talking about going back to the new. It's a constant problem. I have trouble understanding people who aren't like this sometimes. This can be a problem too. Every part of me resists staying still and money, if there is spare, will be put aside for future trips to Mongolia or Syria - or internships abroad for school (this being the next escape plan).
All this I have come to admit about myself this year - if I think about it, it's the way I've always been. And recognition is the first step right? I'm not trying to fix it, because I don't think its a problem anymore. It may be different from a lot of people I know who are more settled with furniture and cars and dogs and are ok being in the same place for the next 20 years. But I've realised that for me, a physical place is never going to make me feel grounded or settled - it'll be something else. When I know what that is, maybe I will settle somewhere... for a bit. But at least I'll know I'll be able to take it with me, wherever I go.
et voila, un petit peu de mon coeur pour vous.
No comments:
Post a Comment